


Virgil's Pre AA Life

by SomeComicDissapointment, Virgil_my_shadowgayby (SomeComicDissapointment)



Series: Sander Sides weird one-shots and mini-stories! [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Artist Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Dad Deceit, Dubious Consent, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, THE FIRST CHAPTER IS SHIT AND NOT WHAT THE REST IS LIKE BTW!!!, Toxic Relationships, Virgil is an angsty teen, all TW will be tagged at the start of the chapters, he likes sewing and making clothes too, no actual smut though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2020-08-18 21:41:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20198605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeComicDissapointment/pseuds/SomeComicDissapointment, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeComicDissapointment/pseuds/Virgil_my_shadowgayby
Summary: Set before Accepting Anxiety. It's about Virgil’s life with the dark sides. It’s started off with a headcanon I had about Deceit lecturing Virgil, in front of the other sides, for sneaking out and I wrote one chapter on and now has evolved into an actual story. It’s mainly a bunch of fluff about Patton, Logan, Roman and Thomas trying to find out their dynamic, Remus and Virgil getting up to mayhem, and Dee being a tired parent, mixed in with some angst and toxic relationships.Basically; Deceit is like the dad of the group, Remus is the cool/crazy older brother, Caries is an OC bastard that should be kept away from Virgil and Virgil just wants to live his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All of these are taken from my Tumblr account! :D

“Anxiety why can’t you just mope on back to your room! I hate it when you do this! You are ruining this planning session!” Roman fumed, glaring at the hoodie-clad side.  
“I’m not ruining it. I’m just pointing out all of the stupid things you are suggesting and saying why we shouldn’t do them.” He rolled his eyes, sneering back.  
“You are such a nuisance! Why must you always strive to hinder my creative whims?” The Prince crossed his arms.  
“Don’t blame me for your own idiocy. See Logan, I know smart words too.” He smirked at the logical side who had given him a comment about childish language the day before.  
“I would hardly call ‘idiocy’ a smart-” Logan began but was cut off by another voice.  
“ANXIETY!”  
“Oh no.” Virgil muttered, eyes going wide.  
Deceit popped up into the living room. The other sides all jumped back in surprise and Thomas gasped.  
“Who are you!” he yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the snake side.  
“I am not your deceit.” He turned to his host for a few moments as he gave his identity before turning back to the smallest side. “May I ask why you are here?” He quizzed, tapping his foot in annoyance.  
“My…job?” Virgil tried.  
“You are not grounded.” He retorted  
“Grounded?” Roman mouthed to the others in the room, only getting shrugs in response.  
“For Fuck’s sake!” The emo side stomped, ignoring Patton as he whispered ‘language’ under his breath, “I stayed up! Who cares! I do it all the time!” he fumed, giving extravagant hand gestures that did nothing to get his point across.  
“You didn’t sneak out.” The older side hissed, “It is complexly safe out there and I was not worried at all. I am not okay with you staying awake, but I am okay with you leaving unannounced.”  
“I left a note!” He snapped loudly.  
“Where?” Deceit countered with a raised eyebrow and challenging look.  
“…in my room.” He muttered under his breath, knowing that Deceit knew when he lied.  
“Of course you did.” He signed, “Don’t go back to your room. I am also not giving you extra chores for the week.”  
Virgil let out a growl but didn’t fight back, knowing he wouldn’t win the argument.  
“What…What just happened?” Roman stuttered looking around confused as Deceit sunk down after the anxious side.  
“I’m not really sure.” Patton scratched his head.  
“Well…we might as well continue brainstorming.” Logan suggested, and that is what they did.  
Although they all were thinking about the strange interaction that had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Virgil was in a bad mood. He knew why he was in trouble, but he wasn’t going to focus on that. He snuck out. So what? It’s not like he goes to sleep at night anyway. Deceit should be happy that he was making friends.  
He continued to scrub the dishes, grumbling profanities under his breath as he did so. Deceit was the dishwasher of the family so Virgil found it unfair to make him do this.  
Remus was in the next room, cackling to himself about who knows what while tapping a random rhythm on his drums. That only served in agitating the emo side more. His hands were now numb from the scolding water and rubbed raw. In hindsight, he probably should’ve found some gloves.  
Speaking of gloves, the snake side sauntered into the kitchen looking as smug as ever.  
“Why don’t we just get a real dishwasher?” Virgil glared at him  
“If we did then I wouldn’t be able to make you do it.” He smirked back, no longer lying in every sentence.  
“I really hate you sometimes.” Virgil sneered.  
“I know.” He shrugged, “But since you’ve done a good job with the dishes, I figured we could go out to dinner. Perhaps that place down on the corner, the one where Remy gets his coffee.”  
Virgil gasped and started on the drying, going a quickly as he could.  
The non-main Sides all lived in a large hotel style building. Around it was shops for sides to gather whatever they may need. Money wasn’t something that mattered meaning that it was always first come first serve. The shops were run by creatures that Thomas had created after watching Dr. Who, modeled after the cyberman.  
“Well, I will not go and inform Remus and then I will definitely not rest because you two could never tire me out.” He announced, slipping back into his lies.  
Virgil continued cleaning, wishing that he had thought to bring his headphones. He didn’t realize it when Remus flung himself out of the window of the 10th floor to see what would happen, nor when Deceit sighed in disappointment before going to his bedroom to sleep as much as he could, nor when a side popped up into the kitchen.  
“Anxiety?” Logan questioned in confusion.  
“Ahhh!” Virgil squeaked, jumping around with a towel and plate in either one of his hands. “What are you doing here?” In his confusion, he forgot to look threatening, although that would have been hard since he had been humming The Dance of The Sugar Plum fairies and standing on his tippy toes.  
“Well, I was…confused about your recent interaction with Deceit.” He grimaced as he said confused, not wanting to admit he didn’t understand everything.  
“Well, it doesn’t matter so you can leave now.” Virgil rolled his eyes, turning back to the sink.  
“Deceit apparently grounded you and made you do chores. I assume you are doing that now?”  
“Oh my God Logan! Yes, he grounded me! So what? Why do you suddenly care about my life?” He barked.  
“Well grounding and giving chores is typically a parental punishment. I originally thought that Patton was the only parental figure of the sides but now I am questioning if deceit is as well?” He explained.  
“Yeah, Dee is kinda like my Dad I guess.” Anxiety shrugged, wanting the other sides out before Remus or Deceit walked in and got mad.  
“I see. I must say I am interested in how your dynamic works. Would you mind explaining it?” Logan hoped.  
“Yes, yes I would mind so I’m giving you once more chance to fuck off before I make you.” He growled, turned to give a side glower at the Logical side.   
Logan coughed and adjusted his tie, “Well then I shall leave you to continue your chores. Goodbye Anxiety.” He nodded before sinking out, getting only a grunt of acknowledgment in response.  
Logan continued to ponder this new information as Virgil finished with the dishes and began getting ready.  
He woke Deceit up by jumping on the bed, Remus joining him. Deceit did not have a peaceful dinner at the restaurant and had to throw away several sticks of deodorant in order for Remus to eat actual food.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing my headcanon about the wind cause that's the type of person I am! :D
> 
> TW: Toxic relationships (It’s kinda more implied in this chapter tho, but it’s still there), let me know if there is anymore! :D

Virgil was, as per usual, laying on his bed with half-lidded eyes and staring up at the ceiling as the wind sang outside. Virgil had always loved the wind; the sound, the ability to be so strong and yet remain mostly unseen, the eeriness of it on a cold winter’s night, how it cooled you down in the heat but could freeze you at the same time. He loved it.   
The wind was a friend to him, a friend that was always there to comfort you. Yes, you had fights, but friends would come back. When he was a child, Virgil had given a name to the Wind; Aella. The name meant Whirlwind in Greek and Virgil had always loved Greek mythology, so he felt it fit.  
Yes, Virgil loved the wind and created many memories with it, but this moment was not one of those happier times. The wind was blowing down and had already succeeded in knocking over a chair on Virgil’s balcony. The anxious sides eyes flew open at the crashing sound and he sat up in bed.  
“What the Fuck Aella.” He glared at the sky outside, “Can you not calm down for once?” 

In the distance he thought he heard a whisper of “hypocrite” and allowed himself a small smile at his own imagination. As usual those hushed, breathy responses were a small comfort in his world of fear.  
He stood up, glad that he had put on socks because even with them on, the wood floor was chilly. He could hear Remus snoring in the room next to his and he knew Deceit was probably asleep as well, so he unlocked the glass door and stepped outside.  
The wind was whipping his hair all over the place and he tightened his dark hoodie, yes he wore his hoodie to bed, to shelter himself from the enthusiastic draft. The chair was hanging precariously against the railing and if the wind picked up any more it could easily be thrown off the edge. To ensure that would happen, Virgil picked it up, maneuvering it closer to the building and twisting it the right way up, before he sat down.  
He felt calm out here. Heights were never his favourite thing, but he felt safe enough to let his guard down. His eyes slipped shut and he grinned when the wind playfully messed up his already chaotic bangs. He knew he was safe because Aella would protect him.  
He shot awake at a chiming sound. For several seconds he didn’t know what it was but thankfully his half-awake mind connected the dots and he reached for his phone. As always, it was in his pocket. The great thing about being a side was that electronics never needed to be charged and so, he only took it off him if he needed to. Like to take a shower or going swimming, otherwise it stayed in his pocket.  
His phone lit up once more as he brought it closer to his face:  
Caries: You there?  
Caries: Babe?  
Caries: Anx  
V: ?  
Caries: Meet me downstairs  
Caries: 5mins  
V: ?  
Caries: Come down  
V: I’m grounded  
Caries: Please <3  
V: I’ll get in trouble if Dee finds out  
Caries: He won’t!  
Caries: Just come down!  
V: its late tho  
V: well early I guess  
Caries: Virgil come down here now  
Caries: please  
Virgil stared down at the message. He knew Caries would definitely come up if he needed to. So, after a few seconds of hesitation, his shaky hands sent a text back. He didn’t even notice when the wind picked up a little more as it rustled the trees roughly below.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we see a little into Virgil’s relationship with Caries, his relationship with Remus (Which I want to do a chapter about next time cause I love Dukexiety) and Deceit, I also try attempting to explain how my mind has worked out the sides aging process. (It’s not a great explanation so if you don’t get it to let me know and I’ll attempt at giving a better explanation! :D)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: toxic relationships, talk of sex, implied sexual content (No actual sex tho cause I don’t write smut), it’s dubious consent (forced consent), kissing, if there is more then please tell me!

Virgil stood from his comfortable laying position and tip-toed his way through the apartment, closing the balcony and his room doors as he went. Remus continued to loudly snore in the next room which made Virgil chuckle to himself. Remus could annoy Virgil to no end and was definitely a little intimidating but overall, he was a good friend, he just didn’t really understand social cues, something the Anxious side could relate to. The duke could be quite insensitive but at the same time Virgil remembered a lot of times when he was younger, crying after a nightmare, and Remus would come in and sit on his bed, occasionally swinging his morning star.

The lights were on outside of the apartment, giving the hallway an ominous glow from the light shining underneath the door. The keys were hanging on a nail that Deceit had ‘not’ accidentally hammered into the wrong place. He had wanted to hang a picture frame off of it but instead, he had nailed the nail to close to the door, and so it was turned into a key holder. Virgil took the purple key off of the nail and unlocked the front door as quietly as he possibly could. It gave a high-pitched creek when it was forced open, making Virgil wince and check behind him. Luckily, no one seemed to have been woken up.  
After he knew the coast was clear, he continued on the journey. Outside of his apartment was a smaller communal area with chairs, a coffee table, a map, a window and a list of rules that no one ever bothered to follow. There wasn’t really any point considering no one was there to inflict them. The wallpaper was a grey-blue with some swirly design at the top, the floors were a white carpet and the only light apart from the moon and stars was illuminating from a large chandelier, one that the sides liked to swing on. Across from then was another door leading to another apartment. The sides in there rarely ever came out but once Deceit had had them over for dinner. 

Deceit had always been one of the oldest of the non-main sides. While Virgil was the youngest of all the sides. All non-main sides formed at a random age and then finally started to grow as Thomas hit that age, whereas main sides formed and had to grow at their own pace. This, of course, left Virgil and Remus to be the youngest sides in the non-main area. It was a miracle that Deceit had found them otherwise they most likely would’ve been taken by some other, meaner, side but Deceit protected them from anyone who might hurt them. One of his purposes is self-preservation after all.

Virgil stalked cautiously towards the lift and pressed the down arrow. His foot tapped a rhythm on the carpet floor as he saw the numbers going up before stopping at his level. The doors slide open and the hoddie-clad side stepped in, allowing himself to be taken down to the ground floor. Said floor was empty with the exception of the side lounging on a sofa. As per usual, he was dressed in his black, leather, studded jacket, and gray tank top. Along with black pants, silver belt, and some sneakers. Caries looked up and gave the other side a small smirk and wink.

“Hey, Verge.” He addressed as he stood up and strutted over.  
“Sup Caries,” Virgil smirked back.

The two looked at each other before Virgil couldn’t take the silence and stood up on his tiptoes to kiss his boyfriend. The other responded with just as much vigor and passion, if not more, and held the shorter side against him, allowing his hair to be messed up by Anxiety’s wandering hands. They continued until Caries took it a little further, taking a few steps forward and pushing Virgil up against the wall. Virgil squirmed slightly, not feeling entirely comfortable being trapped but he didn’t move enough to draw attention to his discomfort. Caries wouldn’t like it either. It was just easier.

Eventually, Caries pulled away and gave Virgil the space he needed.  
“I missed you baby.” He cooed as he placed his hand on the others cheek and beamed even wider when the side responded by leaning into it.  
“I missed you too but why did you want to see me at this time?” Virgil relaxed into the touch further.

Touch was important to Virgil. At least it was when it was grounding and comforting and he knew that he was safe. It was what he needed after a stressful day and was a great source of reassurance. Caries was often able to provide that, and Virgil loved it.

“Can’t I just want to see you when I want?” Caries laughed but his voice held a slight edge to it.  
“Fine, fine.” Virgil teased, “Is this it?”  
“I was thinking we could go to mine?” He winked and gave a small grin.  
Virgil’s face fell a little, but he kept his smile up, “I’m not really up to doing that right now. Plus, I may stay too long and get in trouble.” He tried to playfully reason to lessen the awkward tension, but it did nothing to stop the guilt that swelled up at the pout and sad look on Caries face.  
“Don’t you love me? Am I not enough for you Virgil?” He worried, taking another step back.  
“No no! Of course, you’re enough! You are more than enough.” Virgil desperately tried to reassure, reaching forward to comfort while hating the look of insecurity of the taller sides face.  
“Well then let’s go.” Caries pointed towards the elevator.

Virgil bit his lip, contemplating. He didn’t want to go with him, but he also didn’t want to hurt him. His mind was made up and he gave a small smile and a nod.  
“Great!” Caries laughed and grabbed Virgil’s hand to drag him up to his room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toxic relationship, implied smut, if there is more let me know!

Virgil laid awake under the silk sheets of his boyfriend’s bed. Said boyfriend was lightly snoring beside him with his arm slung tightly across Virgil’s chest. He felt safe in the other’s arms, mostly, and was slowly drifting off to sleep when his mind reminded him to check the clock. That thought of being late further woke him up and Virgil knew he most likely wouldn’t get back to sleep after having it. He glanced over to the analog clock on the side of the bed, eyes widening in alarm. 6 am. Deceit would be up by now and know that Virgil wasn’t where he should be.  
“Shitshitshit.” Virgil cursed quietly.

He didn’t want to wake Caries up but at the same time, he needed to leave. Surely, he would understand though. Virgil knew it was unlikely, but we wanted to try regardless. Slowly, he tried to wiggle out of his boyfriends’ arm. He was nearly under when Caries shifted slightly and his eyes opened to slits.  
“Wha’ ya doing babe?” He slurred

“Sorry for waking you.” Virgil hurried, “It’s just, it’s already six. Dee will be up by now, or at least soon.”  
“M’kay.” He rolled over, allowing Virgil to move.

He breathed a sigh of relief and shuffled fully off the bed, feet slipping into some shoes by the bed. With a final glance at the sleeping side, a rushed out of the bedroom and all the way back to his apartment room.

From what he could see, the hallway lights were off signifying that Deceit may not be awake yet. Virgil hated to get his hopes up but he couldn’t help it. Unfortunately, Virgil’s normal view on hopes being torturous turned out to be correct, at least at that moment.  
“Where were you?” Deceit growled upon Virgil opening the door.  
“Out.” Virgil shrugged and attempted to push past the taller side.  
Said side easily stopped Virgil, grabbed his wrist and lead him to the living room before sitting down. After Deceit indicated, with his head, for Virgil to sit down, the order was followed.   
“This has happened to many times and obviously grounding isn’t working.” He, for once, didn’t lie.  
“Look I’m sorry Dee. I had important things I need to get done.”  
“Virgil, I can tell when you lie. Please be honest with me. I’m only trying to help.” He tried to calm yet remain firm.  
“Oh My, God! Can you just stay away from my personal life. You aren’t my fucking Dad!” Virgil snapped and ran off to his room.  
The slamming of the youngest’s door woke up a drowsy Remus.  
“The fuck?” He mumbled and slowly sat up.  
After he put some clothes on and went to the kitchen, seeking breakfast, but was met with a tired Deceit. The snake side had his head leaning against one hand and the other hand rubbed his face. If Remus really listened he could hear the other hissing softly to himself.  
“Hey, Sneky. What’s up.”   
Deceit jumped, obviously not expecting to be spoken to.  
“Nothing Remus.” He shook his head and sat back.  
Obviously, Remus was smart enough to know the other had lied, “I’m not Roman, I’m not an idiot. What’s up.”  
Dee sighed deeply looking done with the world, “Virgil snuck out again. I just…I know exactly what to do and how to fix it. And to add to it all, Virgil and I have a perfect relationship right now.”  
“Ahh yeah. I’ve been thinking about that too.”  
“You have?” Deceit looked surprised.  
“Nope. BUT its probably just Spiderlilly being his usual ‘fuck the rules’ self.” He shrugged.  
“I guess that couldn’t be right. Anyway, what do you want for breakfast…in terms of actual food.”  
“Mould is a fungus…so it’s like mushrooms.”  
“No.”

Meanwhile, Virgil raged around his room. He threw his phone at the wall, kicked his door and punched his desk. He felt tears of anger and frustration well up and he willed himself not to let them fall. That didn’t last long, and the hoodie-clad side crumbled to the floor and let out small sobs.  
It wasn’t like anything really bad had happened. He was just feeling…overwhelmed. Caries often made him feel like that but on the other side, he felt safe with him. Once Caries had punched a side in the face after he threatened Virgil.  
After a few more hiccupy sobs left his mouth, he stood up, slapped himself across the face and got out a backpack. Inside the bag, he had a picnic rug, crappy crackers, and a blanket. He double-checked to make sure he had everything and once he was sure, sunk out.  
He arrived in the main sides area since he was a main side it was easy to get into. He knew how to blend with the shadows and how to avoid the other sides which is exactly what he did until he came to one door. He glanced around before deciding it was safe to go in.  
The air hit him and instantly he felt calmer, a small river flowed, and bird songs were created by the wind. He found a nice little spot and set up his rug and food. Just as he laid back to relax a voice made him snap his eyes open.  
“Anxiety?” Logic questioned.  
Great. Just great.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Virgil finally have a moment and Logan realises some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Virgil finally have a moment and Logan realises some things.
> 
> TW: Panic attacks (it’s not very descriptive though), awkward tension, watching someone while they’re sleeping, crying, if there are more let me know!

“Hey Logan.” Virgil mumbled and glared as he sat up.  
“What are you doing out here?” He tilted his head in surprise, making his glasses fall down his nose a little.  
“I could ask you the same.” He deadpanned, still grouchy over his rare peace being ruined.  
“I’m going for a walk to clear my head. Sometimes I find that this place gives me a better insight into things. It’s both calming and peaceful, although I wasn’t aware that anyone else knew about it…” He prompted and fixed his glasses.  
“Same here. I came to get away from everyone but apparently I can’t even do that.” Virgil explained.  
“Would you mind if I joined you. I have an umbrella, so you won’t get burnt. It’s rather sunny out here after all.” He held out the umbrella as if to prove its worth.

He seemed to have missed the point of being alone but instead of pointing it out, Virgil let out a long sigh and begrudgingly pat the space next to him.

Logan took a seat and stuck the umbrella into the ground, just enough so that it wouldn’t fall. They sat together in silence, only the birds singing to make up for it. Virgil tried to keep his composure but as his thoughts darkened, his defences broke once more.

Logan’s head whipped to the side when Virgil tried to muffle a sob by pressing his hand to his mouth.

“Anxiety what’s-”  
“Don’t. Please…just-just don’t Logic.”  
“I’m sorry.” Logan whispered, afraid to frighten or irritate the other side more but hating himself for not knowing what to do. He was never the best at comfort, that was Patton’s forte.  
Soon Logan realised the other was starting to hyperventilate and his hands were clawing at the dirt.  
“Anxiety. You need to breathe.” He reminded.  
“C-can’t” He choked and sobbed again.  
Logan thought back to when Thomas panicked and remembered a trick.  
“1, 2, 3, 4, 5-” he continued to count, slowly and steadily in a gentle voice he rarely used.

It took a while but eventually Virgil calmed down a little. Then, to Logan’s horror, he started crying once more when he realised what he had done. He’d embarrassed himself. In front of Logan of all sides!

“Logan I-” He tried to explain without actually explaining.  
“It’s quite alright. You don’t need to be ashamed.” He brushed off, “If you need to talk you can but I assume you don’t want to.” 

Virgil didn’t believe him, but it did help a little, although, like Logan had assumed he would never, ever confide in the Logical side.

All he wanted was to find his dad and brother and get a hug but alas, all he had was Logan. A side who would never willingly hug someone like Virgil.

Logan didn’t voice it, but he was actually a little happy. Of course, he didn’t like to see the anxious side in such a state, and it certainly annoyed him when he didn’t know things, but it confirmed (or at least strengthened) a theory of his. A theory that Anxiety possibly didn’t just give Thomas panic attacks, he had them too. 

The others had overlooked this possibility, jumping to assume Anxiety only gave Thomas the attacks, but there was no actual proof of this outside of assumptions, leading Logan to try and confirm the truth. They first thought he would worry Thomas as a form of entertainment for himself. It never crossed their minds that he may work more similarly to Patton then the rest of them, in terms of functioning.

He also noted that Thomas got stressed or panicky after someone had recently insulted Anxiety, one more piece of evidence that their first theory was incorrect. Unless he gave Thomas the attack out of spite or as an act of revenge, their own actions and words were the most likely cause.

The logical side’s next thought saddened him a little. If his hypothesis was correct it meant that they had antagonised him for something he only had little control over. He had antagonised him. 

“Anxiety, I’m sorry.” Logan turned to the other.  
“What? What for?” He looked confused and still had his hands to his mouth, muffling his words.  
“I’ve realised some things recently and I just-I’m sorry.”

Virgil didn’t know what to say to that. Neither did Logan, so they returned to relative silence again.

Virgil calmed down enough to lay onto the rug, shutting one eye so he could still stay on guard but eventually that became too much work. His exhaustion, both physically and emotionally, caught up with him and he slipped into a light slumber in the shade of the umbrella. 

Logan had gotten a book out and nibbled on a cracker (he didn’t bother asking permission since Anxiety hadn’t told him to stop the first time he grabbed one). A few hours must have passed and Logan finished his book. 

He was a little disappointed that it had ended, meaning he now had to begin the tedious task of deciding which one he would read next. As he pondered over the unread books in his room (mainly the ones he had been given by Roman and Patton over the years- all fantasy), he looked next to him and saw the normally scowling side asleep.

He looked softer than he normally looked. He wasn’t smiling and he didn’t seem too calm, but his breathing was steady, his shoulders unhunched and his thumb was resting slightly between his lips.

He watched, intrigued at the difference, before he realised it was probably inappropriate and stopped. This made him notice how the air had become cooler, causing him to shiver. This seemed like the perfect excuse to wake up the sleeping side.

“Anxiety?” He called as softly as he could.

The soft part didn’t seem to translate as Virgil sat up and looked around widely before his brain caught up with the situation.

He stared at Logan for a few seconds, looking lost, before it was broken by Logan. 

“We should probably go back. I suggest you have a warm shower. It will most likely assistance in comfort.”  
“Yeah, um, thanks, I guess.” He mumbled, standing up.

Logan followed him up and they looked at each other, then to the ground, both shuffling their feet uncomfortably. Eventually Logan caved and held his arms out.  
“Patton has stated on many occasions that hugs can help someone feel better, in case you still need a little comfort.” He offered, feeling silly with his arms straight out.  
Virgil looked up, surprised, but made no move towards him. Instead he started to walk away, calling over his shoulder.  
“Thanks Logic, but I’m fine…Thomas may not be though.” 

Virgil knew it sounded threatening, which was the point. After all, he nearly embarrassed himself further by hugging the stupid side who wore a fucking tie everywhere, even on his onesie! He needed to keep up his mask, keep his defences up before something bad happened. On the other hand, Thomas may need help, so it was a warning to check on him.

This left Logan was left standing awkwardly, arms in front of him. If he was honest, he was a little relived he hadn’t been hugged but also embarrassed about what he had done. Instead of facing and accepting it, he ignored it in favour of finding a new book.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: talk of using panic attacks to find information (it gets shut down though), non-con kissing, implied rape, rape (it gets very close but I won't write that far and I put a warning in the actual story - it does have some touching though), if there are more please let me know.  
This one is also one of the darker ones so please keep that in mind.

Logan left the garden-room and wondered into the living room where he saw Patton sitting on the couch with a picture book in his grasp.  
“Hey Logie!” He waved upon noticing the other bespectacled side.  
“Salutations Patton.” Logan greeted in response.  
“Where have you been? I haven’t seen you around for a while, I even knocked to see if you wanted any lunch.” He questioned slightly scoldingly and with a hint of worry.  
“I have been out, don’t worry I have had some snacks so I’m not incredibly hungry, although I am going to get some leftovers now.” Logan informed and walked off into the kitchen, leaving Patton to his book.

As Logan ate he mused about his previous interaction. It was certainly intriguing to see the venerable side of Anxiety. He wanted a little more evidence to support his theory before he confronted both Anxiety and the others. Although, maybe, he could talk about it with Patton. He may not be as smart as Logan but the logical aside couldn’t deny his talents in understanding others. He was also quite observant when the time calls for it.

“Patton?”  
“Yeah Logie?” He answered from the living room.  
“I would like to discuss some…new information if you would be willing to talk.”  
“Oh of course!” He called back, scrambling into the room to join Logan at the table. “What kind of info?”  
“It is about Anxiety.” Logan revealed.  
“Ok, but maybe we should get him to come up. It’s not good talking about people behind their backs,” he admitted, looking uncomfortable.

“It would be better discussed without him. I will talk to him about this eventually but not as of this moment.” He calmed.  
“Ok then. What’s up?”  
“I believe that he doesn’t have full control over Thomas’ anxiety. He could even trigger Thomas panic attacks though his own. I am also beginning to doubt our previous theory of how he works. He seems to work more similarly to you then he does Roman or I. It is not a matter of forcing, it is just how he feels. This means that if something is going on in his life that could cause him to stress, it could affect Thomas. To prove this, I suggest we try and sort out the issue or perhaps we could summon him while Thomas has a panic attack to see what he is doing.”

“Kiddo…I..I like the idea and if he is hurting we definitely need to help him but I don’t know if summoning him while he could be extremely vulnerable is the right thing to do. Not to mention we probably shouldn’t use panic attacks to our advantage like that.”  
“I suppose you are correct.” He sighed, “Well then, we should try and comfort him. If Roman agrees we can make the time spent with Thomas a much…friendlier environment. That way he may not feel as threatened around us. This could also decease the likelihood of Thomas being more anxious then he should be.”  
“I’m really liking this.” Patton grinned, finally getting to show Anxiety how nice the others could be.

Virgil went back to the apartment and looked around. No sigh of Deceit nor Remus. 

He sighed in relief and grabbed some yarn and his knitting needles before plopping down on the couch and starting to knit. The repetitive patterns helped to calm him down further and as background noise, the TV played, showing some gory film that Remus and Deceit had probably been watching. He didn’t bother to change it since the remote was too far away from him though.

(He did feel a little like a grandma, the best thing would be to change the channel to a cooking show instead, purely to further the grandma experience.)

He lost track of the time until his stomach rumbled. Maybe a cooking show would have been a better choice. 

Well, no time to change that now. He reluctantly put down his half-completed gloves (ones that reached up to his elbows because…snug) and instead went to the kitchen to make dinner. It was pretty simple, just a stir fry made with ramen instead of actual noodles. Who cares about quality?

It was beginning to darken outside, and Virgil yawned. Despite the nap he took, he still was exhausted. He hadn’t slept well for a few days and usually he stayed awake until he was all worn out anyway, so he decided an early night was in order. 

It was a little strange that Deceit and Remus weren’t there, but he assumed they would just be out at the gym or pool. After finishing his dinner, he went to his bedroom and slumped down, letting the blankets and pillows pile around him like a nest. 

Just as he had begun to drift off, his phone beeped. Virgil cursed out loud about why something always happen when he tries to sleep. He already hadn’t slept for a few nights due to his boyfriend wanting him but he couldn’t exactly deny him.

So, he fought back his exhaustion and walked to the door, uncaring of his looks. He didn’t bother meeting Caries anywhere, just walked right into his unlocked apartment.

“I’m here.” He announced.  
“Hello love! I wanted to have a movie night with you.” He smiled and embraced the smaller man.

(Start of non-con)

Virgil sighed and melted into the warmth. Caries chuckled.  
“So affectionate tonight. Do you want me to help you. You certainly deserve it.” He kissed Virgil’s neck.

“Caries please, not tonight.” Virgil pleaded, but still bared his neck.  
“Virgil, this is what you do when you love someone remember. Don’t you love me?”  
“Of course, I do! I’m just-I’m tired. A lot has been going on and I just really wanna sleep ya know?” He tried.  
“You can sleep later.” Corruption brushed off, “Come on it’ll be fun. Besides you know you can always talk to me. I’ll listen.”  
“I know baby, but its about more personal things. I don’t really want to talk to anyone. Not even Dee.”  
“Which is why you can talk to me then. Come on, spill.”  
“No, I really don’t want to.” Virgil protested.

Caries took a step closer. And shrugged off the jacket he was wearing. 

“How about we see what happens after. See if you still don’t want to tell me.”  
“No baby, please. Not tonight. I promise tomorrow but not now.” Virgil shook his head, trying to be placating but his fear shone through his eyes and movements when he backed away.

Caries growled at that and stalked forward, he pushed the smaller side up against the wall and slowly removed his hoodie before his fingers travelled further down.  
“You still don’t wanna talk to me baby boy?” He purred  
Virgil only whimpered.  
“Come on, use your words.”  
“N..no. I’m sorry. no.”  
“Ok then. It was your choice.”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take time here to say that if you are in a toxic or unhealthy relationship, please get help or at least try to. Even if it doesn't seem like a big deal, it can start small and get worse. If you ever don't feel safe, make sure to have other people you can turn to or use your country's helpline if it has one.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets some comfort and Deceit discovers some things. Also, Remus plays a bit more of a part cause he's my second favourite (after Virgil) and I love their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Rape, implied rape, I mention it without explicitly saying it but it is there and obvious, reference to physical abuse, being naked, there may be more so please let me know!

Virgil woke once more, wrapped up tightly against Caries. His skin itched and he felt gross but at this point he knew there wasn’t much he could do to stop it. He was still undressed and pressed uncomfortably close to the other man. 

He hated it but he wished it was Logan, the dream he had that night hadn’t aided in increasing his disappointment at waking up next to Caries. He felt terrible for feeling that way but couldn’t help fantasizing about how gentle and sweet and understanding Logan would be.

That night he had, not only dreamed of the glasses-clad side, but pictured him to help himself get through the night’s activities.

He imagined how Logan would put Virgil first and do want he was comfortable with, not force it. How he would be understanding and give Virgil the chance to decline. How he would wait for Virgil to be comfortable sharing his thoughts before instead of threatening him. That thought made tears start to spill and he huddled closer to Caries despite his discomfort. He just needed someone to be silently understanding, so he hoped his boyfriend wouldn’t awaken.

Unfortunately, the other side did wake at the noise and tightened his arms around Virgil.  
“Oh, baby what’s wrong.” He cooed.  
Virgil did nothing but burst into tears.

“No, no, no, baby. It’s alright, I’m here. I’ll protect you. Is someone hurting you? Did they make you cry? Did they threaten you? Is that why you wouldn’t tell me. I promise I won’t judge you, and if someone is threatening you, I will kill them.” He rambled, failing to see how it only worsened Virgil’s state.

For the first time in a while, he just let Virgil cry without pushing him to hard. While Virgil appreciated it, it did make him a little suspicious and more nervous about the sudden change. 

They stayed together for a while before Virgil asked to leave. He was hugging himself when he asked, knowing that if Caries was in a bad mood he wouldn’t hesitate to start yelling and possibly hitting. To Virgil’s shock, he didn’t do either. The taller side merely nodded, gathered the disregarded clothes on the floor and handed them to the smaller one. 

“Be safe baby. Come and talk to me a little later.”  
“I will. I love you.” Virgil smiled and kissed his cheek.

There were nice moments with Caries. Ones that kept him holding onto the hope that things would get better, no matter how unlikely.

So, Virgil got back to his house at exactly 10:33 AM, just as Deceit was getting ready to go to the gym for a little run on the treadmill, he had to be faster than Remus if he wanted him to be safe after all and it certainly helped him clear his mind.

Because of this, they bumped into each other, right as the door swung open. Virgil expected to be scolded and braced himself, fearing he would burst into tears. The day continued to confuse and surprise Virgil as that didn’t happen.

“I expected better from you.” Was all Deceit mumbled with dull eyes before walking past Virgil and towards the elevator.

Yelling, an attempt at getting an explanation, frustration. 

All different ways of Deceit reacting to Virgil’s life, yet everything somehow linked back to one of those three. He knew all of those, he understood and expected them but never, ever, had he seen his Dad look as resigned, tired and uncaring before.

That, Virgil decided, was the worst look in the world and he never wanted to see it again. He held himself together until he reached his room and broke down for the second time.

Everything was too much for him. Why did people have to be so confusing. Why did he have to make stupid decisions? Why can’t he fight back?

He screamed as seemingly every emotion fell on him, flooding his senses. He was confused, disgusted, tired, angry, hungry, afraid, helpless, frustrated and a whole other lot of other emotions. Some were nicer, like the ones he had recently been feeling for the logical side, but at the same time he felt like a horrible lover. It was all too much for him to cope with, he was overwhelmed.

He didn’t notice when a blanket was draped over his foetal-positioned body, nor when the light humming started, until what could have been hours later. He came out of the emotion ocean and forced his eyes open. Above him Remus was sitting crossed legged, swaying and humming a tune before one eye cracked open and he looked down in surprise.

He gave a soft smile that seemed off on his face and when he spoke his voice was the most gentle it had ever been.

“Hey my little Webster.”

Virgil hummed at him and blinked twice before sitting up slowly. Remus offered his hand to take but Virgil shook his head, knowing any touch right now would only make him more uncomfortable then he already was.

“What happened?” He asked.

Virgil just shrugged. It was hard to explain. There were so many factors to it. One event didn’t simply cause it. It was more of a build-up over time that he hadn’t been able to properly process, lots of emotions accumulating over time until the barrier of the damn broke and flooded the town.

Somehow Remus seemed to understand. “Things are confusing aren’t they.” He mused, “Humans especially. That’s why I reckon it would be easier to start the worlds largest genocide and wipe em all out. Alas though, Deceit would stop me.” He sighed.

Virgil gave a small scoff as he adjusted himself against the wall.

“I can’t promise that I can help but, even though I am confusing, I’m never going to purposefully hurt you Virgil. You’re more of a brother to me then even Roman and so I want to help you. Even if you can’t talk to me about everything, if you just need to cry or distract yourself, I’ll be here for you.” He informed.

If Virgil wasn’t out of tears and energy, he would have flung himself into the others arms and cried again but instead he gave a small but real smile back.

They sat together in silence for seemingly hours, probably the longest Remus ever went without moving, but his determination for comforting his brother was stronger than his need to do something.

Dee was sick. He never did like Caries but respected Virgil’s decisions enough to accept it. He never should have.

He hated how he had reacted to the situation. He had been trying to find Virgil and searched all over the building for him until he heard cries that sounded awfully familiar. He had rushed over to find the door of an apartment unlocked and what he saw brought tears to his eyes. 

Virgil was half naked and crying his eyes out, begging his boyfriend to stop, to not ask questions, to not touch. Some part of him wanted to run in and punch the guy, in retrospect he wished he had, but in that moment his shock outweighed everything else and he walked calmly back to his room on autopilot. His brain didn’t comprehend what he had seen.

When Virgil had come back he didn’t know what to say, even though he had gone over possible responses. He was confused and scared for his son and in a moment of pure resignation, pain and confusion, had uttered words that made him want to rip his own tongue out.

“I expected better from you.”

Those were the worst words he could have said in that situation, but he didn’t grasp that either until he was in the gym. It was abandoned and so he allowed himself to brake, hidden away from judging eyes and ranted out loud to an empty room.

Except one side happened to be lurking nearby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I'm going to wrap this one up soon and start on a new one since I've got lots of ideas I wanna start or if I will go more into the trauma of it. I want to do a lot more research about that though, which may take time so perhaps a sequel. I'm estimating maybe only 2-4 more chapters left but I'm unpredictable so we'll see! :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer one this time but it is quite intense:
> 
> TW: Panic attacks, implied and referenced abuse, it is overall quite an intense chapter and of course if there are more let me know!

Logan walked around, hoping to find the anxious side. He refused to believe it was to check on him, instead reassuring himself it was purely to gain knowledge. 

It seemed easy enough, except he couldn’t find Anxiety, nor his apartment. So he wondered around, hoping for something to give him a clue. He liked solving mysteries, like Sherlock, but aimless walking around in an unfamiliar place wasn’t the most pleasant activity to be doing.

This continued for a little while more, with Logan debating knocking on doors to ask other dark sides, but he was cut short when passing a gym room. There was sniffling and the sound of a punching bag being hit before it was followed by a yell of anger.

Curious, the logical side sought answers and followed the noise. The door opened without a creak and he successfully creeped in to peer around another wall. He saw Deceit, dressed in gym clothes and boxing gloves, opposed to his normal ones. 

For a few seconds he was confused by the sight and wondered where the sniffling had come from. Deceit then let out a particularly anguished cry and harsh punch, after which his arms fell back to his side.

He ripped the gloves off, throwing them to the floor and revealing the scales along his fingers. When he turned his head around slightly the tear tracks on his face became apparent and Logan sucked in a breath of surprise.

He had never witnessed the snake side cry before. He always figured that he and the other side had that in common, only crying where no one else could see. Although, he supposed Deceit wasn’t expecting anyone to see him.

He knew walking in would only embarrass the other more but moving away could indicate he was watching as well, so he opted to stay silent and ignore the creeping guilt and discomfort that came with spying.

Deceit had sat down on a bench, as Logan had mused over what to do, and placed his head in his hands. Logan felt even more awkward when he started talking, however, that soon changed to relief that he stayed as more of the story revealed itself to him in the form on a monologue.

“God V why!” He growled helplessly to himself. Logan new not of who ‘V’ was but considering their interaction he suspected Anxiety had done something to annoy him, making him the best candidate for the letter.

“Why didn’t you tell us. Fuck I’m an idiot I couldn’t even see my own son was being fucking hurt by that bastard!” He cried, hands shaking.

Logan sucked in another breath at that, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. What had happened? It was hard to tell at first but Logan knew the other wasn’t lying for once, the pain was too raw for it to be a lie.

“Why do you have to be so closed off! We care about you. I should never have let you. I’m sorry I did all this to you. It’s my fault...you poor thing, I’m so sorry. Fuck what else did he do to you.” Deceit cried, reaching near hysterics as he let out screams and cries muffled only by his pulled up shirt.

Logan had his answers. Not all of them, nor the ones he expected, but it was enough to know that he needed to find Anxiety. He needed to talk to him. Needed to help him. 

He already felt hopeless, mainly due to the fact that his last attempt to find Anxiety hadn’t been successful in its goal, although certainly successful in the pursuit of knowledge, but he kept running around the building nonetheless.

He seemed to make no progress for hours, the sun already half way to setting. He pulled on his hair to try and vent his frustration and resigned to going back to the light side when something hit him. Literally.

“Fucking stick in a shithole!” The side cursed, shuffling back and unsuccessfully steadying himself.  
“I’m incredibly sorry.” Logan winced, And reached down to help the fallen figure, that’s when he noticed the hoodie, “Anxiety! I’ve been looking for you.”

His hand momentarily pulled back in his surprise of being so luckily, leading Anxiety to glare. 

“My apologies.” He said again, offering his hand once more.  
“...you have?” He scrunched his face up in confusion and distrust, ignoring both the hand and apologies, instead pulling himself up.  
“Yes...I require your presence to talk to you face to face.”  
“....Ok, I’m...nevermind, shoot, I guess.”

Logan found himself at a lost for words. He had an idea of what he wanted to say but he now had no plan whatsoever.  
“Umm, I, er...”  
“Spit it out.” He growled impatiently, not in the mood to deal with other humans.  
“I know what’s been going on with you.” He confessed, and watched as Anxiety’s face went from confusion to realisation, to shock and finally defensiveness.  
“Know what?”  
“About whatever side...hurt you..is hurting you.” He tried.

It almost hurt to say out loud, as if stating it solidified what had happened. The whole situation hadn’t fully been comprehended by the logical side but it would be later. At that point he would gasp and let tears fall and struggle to breath at the idea that a fellow side, one as smart and witty and wonderful as Anxiety, one he truly cared about, was being hurt in such a way. It seemed as though he was still in a confused denial, unable to accept the truth.

Virgil felt his breathing speed up and his already unsteady hands were trembling worse then before as his mind raced over every possible thing Logan could be talking about but being unable to deny the truth. How had he even found out?

Virgil didn’t have time to ask himself the questions and instead, stumbled back once more and pointed an accusing finger before snarling with an animalistic fear and defence driven rage, “You’re fucking delusional. I don’t know what you mean, or think you mean, but whatever it is your sources are fucking off.”  
“Well, the way you are reacting implies differently.” He tilted his head, holding out his hands placatingly.

He didn’t want to scare or threaten Anxiety but socialising and emotions was never his strong suit.

“Just shut up.” He growled, eyes darting around but always checking to ensure the other stayed still.

His breathing had sped up more to the point that he was fully hyperventilating with small hitched breaths and his brain felt foggy. A whine left his mouth and he curled into himself.

When Logic took a step forward he hissed and stepped back, losing his footing like before. A yelp came out alongside a gasp as he fell and landed on his pre-bruised hip. He hissed in pain this time and his vision was blurring even more, white spots floating around his eyes. 

He didn’t want to panic in a place where he was vulnerable but his mind didn’t give him a choice in the matter. His senses flared up, overwhelming him further, and his throat closed up. He struggled to breathe and tears ran down his face from both the fear and pain. 

Logan wasn’t exactly sure what to do to help but knew about breathing techniques.  
“Anxiety? Can you hear me?” He asked, crouching down to be closer but not touching.

When he got no response he decided it was best to just begin and hope it would help.  
“I am going to count you through a breathing exercise. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. I am beginning now. In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three...” He continued, tapping the floor as he spoke for something else Anxiety could ground himself with.

A long while later, Virgil was breathing better but still chocking on sobs as he swayed himself, trying to fully calm himself down. His thumb has found its way to his mouth for him to lightly chew (or at least try to with his shaky breathing), helping to ground and comfort him slightly.

“Anxiety?” Logan stopped counting, hoping to get a response.

Virgil really didn’t feel like talking but managed to croak out, “what?”

Logan looked surprised for a few seconds when Virgil opened his eyes alongside speaking for the first time in over twenty minutes. His eyes showed so much pain and fear, raw vulnerability that Anxiety never showed if he could help it. It was off putting. However, he quickly regained his own speaking ability upon feeling the need to comfort.

“I know this may scare you. You don’t have to tell me everything but, please, come with me to the light side for a little while.” He offered.

Virgil felt guilty to admit it but he did want to, at least a little bit. He knew he wasn’t going to be accepted but Logan was being nice to him and Patton always tried to be, even Thomas had tried to see the best in him a few times. He wanted to go but he knew he couldn’t just leave Remus and Deceit. Not to mention it would be a change and he just didn’t think he was ready for something like that.

“I can’t.” He shook his head.  
“Why not.” Logan pushed.  
“Remus, Deceit...Caries.” He winced as he realised he didn’t originally think of adding Caries first.  
“Anxiety, I’m guessing Caries is your...boyfriend?” He questioned and continued after Virgil’s slow nod, “He doesn’t seem to be a very good boyfriend to you.”

Virgil sucked in a breath and shook his head frantically, “No he is. Sure, he has some faults, just like everyone, but he tried his best and he knows what’s best for me.” He confirmed with his voice growing louder in volume as his defensiveness grew.  
“Ok, ok.” Logan calmed him, “But what about Deceit? Does he know better then Caries?”  
Virgil thought for a few moments as an internal battle took place before he slowly nodded his head for a final time, “I guess so, he is older.”  
“Well, how about we talk to Deceit and Remus and discuss a few things I have...found out?” Logan hoped to reason.  
“...ok.” Virgil conceded, not having the energy to fight after so much pain in one day.

//////////

Ten minutes after Virgil had managed to get onto his feet and directed Logan to his apartment, the tie wearing side found himself sitting at a table. Deceit was directly across from him and had cleaned up since Logan had last saw him while Remus and Virgil took to sitting on the couch a while away.

As much as Logan didn’t want to admit it, he enjoyed the sight of Anxiety curled up under the blanket leaning on his friend. He looked somewhat more relaxed then usual although the intense, unremitting stare was slightly off putting.

“What is it you wanted to discuss so badly that you came into my house?” Deceit questioned straightforwardly.  
Logan reciprocated in an equally blunt manner, “I overheard you in the gymnasium.”

Deceits face flashed to something for a few milliseconds before reverting to its original poker-face with just a hint of intensity. Logan wasn’t one to be easily threatened but the stare of the snake set him on edge.

“That is something that I will talk about.” He gritted out.  
“What happened in the gym?” Anxiety added in, peering quizzically at Deceit.  
“Did you suck his snake dicks?” Rems piped up, turning to Logan.  
“What!? Of course not!” Logan startled.

Anxiety gave Remus a light slap in the face, to which the duke responded with a wiggle and a giggle.

“Back to the point. I don’t believe that is something Anxiety has the right to explain himself. Furthermore, you should have been in there in the first place.” Deceit reset the conversation.  
“I was looking for Anxiety.” Logan explained  
“So is no one gonna tell me what happened in the gym first?” Anxiety spat, growing frustrated as his eyebrow twitched and palms sweated.

“I....discovered what has been going on....between, you and,” Deceit stopped his confession to take in a breath, “you and Caries.”

Those simple worlds. You and Caries. Why were those the words that affected him? Perhaps the sentence and its implications were also to blame but Virgil couldn’t focus on that.

His mind went blank, the colours around him were fuzzy and distorted, the voices cut in and off but were indistinguishable. The whole world was imperceptible.

No one knew how to react when the blanket coddled around the anxious side was knocked to the floor as he stood and stumbled.

“Anxiety?” Logan tried.  
“Verge?” Remus attempted.

None worked.

He seemed lost with glazed eyes as he slumped to the floor and breathed loudly in and out. The breaths were to fast and unrhythmic. Remus tried to touched him but Deceit gripped his wrist with an extra hand before he could. Remus looked up in confusion only to see his own emotions mirrored back accompanied by hopelessness.

Anxiety started releasing quiet whines as he curled protectively into himself.

“I think it’s best to let him work through this.” Logan advised, hating not knowing what to do to help.

Remus and Deceit both nodded, sitting at the table. It was tense as they sat, none making eye contact or small talk, just nervously glancing at the side on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A honestly don’t really like this chapter it feels to rushed and I also have definitely taken this in a different path then how I originally planned. I have considered rewriting it but I am lazy and have a bunch of other things I also want to write so a rewrite of this could happen in the future but not for now.
> 
> I’m not sure when I’ll update next, hopefully it won’t be to long but it is hard when I have a lot of things I want to change in the first chapters but I’m determined to get this done properly.   
Anyway, see y’all later!


	10. Chapter 10:Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back - ya miss me?  
Anyway, this is just the next part with a little Analogical, and, finally, some real talking happens. Yay :D   
This is a little disturbing in some parts though so heed the trigger warnings and don't forget to let me know if I need to tag anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back with this! It's longer than the last which I'm happy about and I hope you like it!  
As I said, this really is a little disturbing (mainly in some brief thoughts by Remus) so please do check the trigger warnings and don't forget to let me know if I need to tag anything more (even if it's not something you yourself are triggered by).
> 
> TW: Abusive relationships, trying to justify abusive relationships, mentions of sex (this includes some jokes by Remus but also some implications of rape), implied/reference to rape, panic attacks, swearing, talk of death (where Virgil is thinking about being scared of Thomas getting killed and the description of that is a little gorey), blood mention, mention of torturing someone (skinning, being buried alive, burning), a mention of starved animals (in reference to a type of torture method but that isn't actually done - the same goes for the death and torture mention above.

It was hours later when Virgil woke up. The anxious side had worked himself up to the point that his exhaustion overwhelmed him, and he had passed out shortly after his panic faded. 

Logan had stayed in Remus and Janus’ apartment through the whole ordeal, allowing Janus to tuck the youngest side into bed and put a movie on that none payed any attention to. When the second hour ticked by and they filled themselves up with microwaved tin spaghetti, Remus also began to feel the effects of the day and went into Virgil’s room to sleep on the ground beside him.

This left Logan and Janus sitting together on the couch, some crime show serving as background noise. Logan stayed silent, writing theories and facts in his notebook, and Janus fiddled carefully with Virgil’s knitting needles. A half-completed glove was what Virgil had been working on earlier, and Janus hated that it had been left incomplete. Virgil should have been working on it tonight.

Another few minutes were spent with Janus explaining what he saw to the Logical side. After that, the reality hit the both of them full force. For that moment the slowly closing rift between the light and dark sides was no more, nor was their needs to hide their feelings. They held each other and cried until the moon was its highest in the sky, they then provided silent comfort and worked out what to do.

When the anxious side did wake, he carefully avoided the sleeping side on the floor – also being meticulous in his task to avoid the pillow leaking pus that said side was resting his head on – and walked to where the older sides were seated.

“Hello Anxiety.”  
“Did you rest well?”

The two greetings hit Virgil’s ears like a wave, causing him to wince before nodding.

“Hey and yeah as well as I can, I guess.” He chucked dully.

He didn’t really know what to say or do if he was honest with himself. It seemed that the other sides were in a similar position if the way Logan fidgeted with his pen and Janus tapped his foot were any indication. All three occupants were stuck in an awkward silence that stretched uncomfortably long before Deceit stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“What would you like to eat?” He tried to speak nonchalantly, failing as his tone remained tense.  
“I’m not really-” Virgil shook his head.  
“Nonsense, you missed dinner and I haven’t seen you have breakfast, nor lunch in a while. You mean to tell me you’re not hungry at all? I completely believe that.” He cut off.

Virgil just sighed, complying with the offer of food, and took a seat next to Logan. Logan didn’t look at him, apart from a glance when he sat down, instead appearing intrigued in the design of the table.

Virgil stole a few glances of his own in between shutting his eyes and listening to the noises Janus made in the kitchen. He felt guilty when he saw the bags under Logan’s eyes and the tension in his jaw. Suddenly, the logical side picked up the forgotten knitting needles and discarded right-hand glove.

“These look interesting, almost like thigh-highs for your arms and hands. I’m assuming you are making these?”  
“Umm yeah. Nothing really special.” He looked away, not knowing how to react.  
“I wouldn’t say they aren’t special. While they may not be particularly hard to make, judging by your reaction, the design, details around the fingers and length, all make for an interesting piece of clothing. At least in my opinion.” 

Virgil stared at him for a while. Logan was inspecting the gloves thoroughly, eyes gleaming a little with curiosity and admiration. A small part of Virgil’s mind that caused him more guilt whispered how Caries never took any interest in Virgil’s projects.

“Thanks.” He nodded.  
“Would you show me how to knit?” Logan asked, a little shyly.

Virgil’s eyes widened a little.

“Sure.” He nodded and took the needles from the other side.

Logan looked on, almost unblinkingly, in curiosity and awe as Virgil methodically worked. He saw the anxious sides features soften as he worked away. The sides of the gloves gradually grew longer as the minutes progressed and as the dark yarn wove together, Logan’s affection for Anxiety flourished, as did his intrigue. 

A part of his brain contested the affection, rationalising it as purely a want to solve the riddle that is Anxiety Sanders. That part was squashed when he allowed himself to accept the truth. He not only wanted to understand the smaller man, he wanted to talk with him, care for him, read to him, play with his hair, kiss him, hug him and so much more. He now understood what Roman and Patton meant when they talked about love. It, strangely, didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would.

Just as Logan began to lean closer to brush his shoulder with the other, Janus walked out and coughed, a plate of toast, eggs, bacon and maple syrup. The smell now hit both Logan and Virgil as their concentration snapped away from the gloves and reintroduced them to reality.

“Getting cosy, are we?” Deceit smirked.

Logan looked away sheepishly with a cough and blush, but Virgil stiffened up and scowled.  
“Of course not.” He snappy sharply, standing up and taking the plate a little too quickly.

Virgil’s head spun as he was attacked with vertigo, but he clenched his teeth and made his way to the table to eat. He didn’t dignify Janus’ apology with a response, just stabbing his fork into the bacon before using the knife to add a bit of syrup to it. 

Janus sighed remorsefully before retreating back into the kitchen to get a plate for the intruding light side and himself. The three sat at the time, once more enveloped in silence excluding the clinks, clanks and scrapes of silverware on the ceramic plates. The moonlight shone through, half obscured by the low artificial lighting of the room and highlighted the plates, ones that Virgil had cleaned in what felt like a long time ago.

Eventually they finished, Virgil first though leaving more than half of the plate completely untouched. It was at this time that the darker side of creativity came hurtling into the room with his normal cheerful bounce. His energy immediately died down as all room turned to look at him, head moving unnervingly in sync, and reminded him of what was going on.

Though Remus didn’t have the whole story, it didn’t stop him from understanding the severity of whatever the situation was. His gruesome mind also aided him in filling the gaps in the worst possible way. For the first time he wasn’t happy to share those thoughts, lest they be true.

He took a seat at the table without being told, choosing to abandon his favourite seat under the chair. This day really had brought many changes to his behaviour. Nonetheless, he didn’t focus on that and stared directly at Virgil, openly scrutinising him as though he would get answers on looks alone. 

“Well, now that we are all here,” Janus started, “I think it’s time we actually talk about this. Virgil is that okay?”

Virgil froze for a second, none to dissimilar to the time Remus offered him a bite of someone’s leg and told him it was either eat the flesh or a bite of deodorant (needless to say Virgil chose the deodorant), but nodded his consent.

“Alright, firstly, is there anything you would like to tell me, us, about Caries? What else has he done.”

Virgil shook his head. He knew that some things Caries did were wrong, but some had explanations, others Virgil had brought upon himself, and everyone made mistakes. There was no point in ‘exposing’ Caries for no real reason. 

He knew, or at least a fragment of him knew, everything Caries did was somewhat wrong, maybe even abusive, but he made attempts to fix it and he really did care. Deep down. Right?

“Okay well…” Janus paused, collecting his thoughts, “I don’t want you seeing him any more.”  
“What?” Virgil shot up and slapped his hands on the table as his voice grew louder, “No. You can’t.”  
“I can.” Janus growled a little, “What I saw him doing was disgusting Virgil, surely you are aware of that.”  
“He’s making an effort.” Virgil tried to explain.  
“Oh yes of course he is! Please,” Janus spat out, “if he was making an effort, as you say he is, he wouldn’t have completely ignored your obvious discomfort and used you as if you were a damn toy.”

Virgil’s lip quivered. 

It was the truth. 

It was funny how Deceit always worked to get the truth. A sort of, ironic juxtaposition between his name and goals. 

It hurt to hear the truth spoken out. It hurt to have the rational part of himself, his instincts, finally overcome some of the barriers that corruption had planted inside his head. 

Huh. Corruption. That was also funny. 

Deceit almost seemed to work against himself, yet corruption had done just what his role suggested. Creativity, logic and anxiety all clearly shared that trait. Did that make them the same? Was it the roles themselves to blame or was it just personality? Virgil had done many bad things to Thomas, sometimes it was uncontrollable but others it just seemed, to him, that it was the right thing to do. 

In trying to protect Thomas and alert him of dangers, like how going out to a party could end with him dead on the floor, organs ripped out as he lay in a stranger’s house, often ended in his host having a panic attack. That was hurting Thomas. Was that what Caries had done? Was doing? Protecting him? What’s the difference?

“The difference is he isn’t trying to protect you. He’s hurting you for his own pleasure. The situations are very different.” Logan spoke.

Virgil turned to him in surprise, not realising how much noise he was making and words he was crying out. What parts had he said out loud? How much had he shared?

“What.”

It was whispered, by Virgil, with a raspy small voice. It shattered the hearts of everyone.

“It’s okay now.” Janus stood, walking slowly towards the other, “You are safe now.”

Virgil landed in his arms, clinging tightly to the little capelet as all six arms wrapped around him. His eyes were scrunched shut and he couldn’t stop the whines and whimpers coming from himself as he cried. He was so tired of crying but then another warm body pressed against his side and a scratchy moustache rubbed his forehead and nothing mattered any more.

Logan stood awkwardly to the side, witnessing the hug and silently wanting to join. He didn’t though. He wasn’t a familiar presence to Virgil, and he would likely do more harm than good in this moment. He hated the helplessness, he’d felt so much of it lately, but controlled himself. There would be a time where he could help, he knew it, he just needed to wait.

Once again, the room fell silent. Virgil didn’t pass out this time, but he was directed to the couch where he leant against Remus for support. Virgil’s head hurt and spun. He hated the exhaustion that never ended these days. He wanted to just relax for a few hours, forget the world for a day.

Remus held Virgil close and hummed a melody, it was chaotic and everchanging but sweet and light at the same time. They both leant against each other relishing in the simple sound as their eyes shut.

Virgil finally relaxed. He didn’t sleep but he didn’t stay completely awake. The anxious side just drifted like the music, like the wind he once named Aella.

Remus also relaxed, content to hold his brother and hum. The rage he felt, the need to hurt and hunt and kill had taken over at some point, but Virgil’s cry had stopped it. It had broken him out his thoughts of skinning, burning, burying alive, and letting starved rats eat through Caries bare stomach as he cried and begged for forgiveness. For once, his mind was empty.

////////

Janus took some deep breaths, finally freeing himself from the overwhelming emotions of the day. Virgil was safe now. Remus was looking after him and not causing a fuss. Logan was waiting patiently for instructions on what to do. Caries, he could deal with later.

“Logan.” He beckoned the logical side and turned down the hallway towards his room.

The glasses wearing side followed, routinely wrapping his hand around his tie before unravelling it and continuing the cycle. He seemed just as lost as Janus felt which was reassuring, if selfish. 

They eventually made it to Janus’ room. The colour scheme was black and white as Janus was always a slut for symbolism. It was pristinely organised, until you looked over to the desk and saw the whirlwind of paper, books and knickknacks. At first glance it would look as chaotic as Remus’ room, but it was perfectly tidy when you really looked; philosophy books arranged by title, paper linking to each book, random item having some use, and nothing being hidden. Beauty disguised by the surface, if you will. 

The two sides sat down on the neatly made bed and made eye contact.

“I want Vi-Anxiety to go with you to the light side.” He deadpanned  
“It’s alright, I already heard his name so you can say it but I won’t tell anyone, nor will I use it around him until he tells me himself. Furthermore, I was already considering this option and, if he agrees, would be more than happy to advocate for his stay.” Logan nodded.  
“What about Morality and Prince?” Deceit stressed.  
“Patton shouldn’t have a problem with it, actually he would likely be ecstatic. Roman may take some more time but it’s two against one.” He soothed.  
“Good.” Deceit sighed, face looking aged but relived, “I’ll go and talk to him.” 

The returned to the room to be met with the sight of Remus and Virgil chuckling and smiling at each other. Despite the brief time Logan and Janus were gone, it appeared much had happened.

“Should I be scared?” Janus exasperated.  
“Yup.” They chirped.  
“Wonderful.” Janus rolled his eyes, but a smile was present on his face.  
“Where’d you run off too? You give each other a quickie?” Remus grinned, enticing a little giggle from Virgil when Janus glared.  
“Will you stop it with that nonsense? You’ve already interrupted by plans of world domination, is it so hard to let me talk with another side without your stupid comments?”  
“Awwww you know you love them DeeDee.” He sang.

“Well I have more news.” He ignored, “Anxiety.”  
“Yeaaah?” Virgil questioned hesitantly.  
“After speaking with Logan, we think it may be best for you to go to the light side for a bit?”

Virgil looked up at Logan, who seemed oddly vulnerable and hopeful. He himself felt hopeful to, if he was being honest. It would be a change yes, he hated change, but there were definitely pros to going. Plus, that look Logan was giving him was weirdly enticing and it would be a lie if he said he’d never fantasised about it before.

“Okay.” He breathed.  
“Wonderful.” Logan gave a brief smile and a thumbs up.

Janus was thankful, though surprised, that Virgil didn’t get upset at that but speared a glance to Remus. He looked a little distant and rightfully so. Janus was well aware about Remus’ fears surrounding abandonment and so quickly added in.

“But I expect you to visit at least once every three days.” He said sternly.

Virgil just nodded again, leaning into Remus.

“So, when are we going?” Virgil looked to Logan.  
“Well considering it is very early in the morning, I suggest we try to sleep but also brush our teeth first.” He advised.  
“I agree.” Janus nodded and turned to face the logical side, “You can stay here, just sleep on the couch.”

When everyone had agreed, Janus’ orders was followed, if a little reluctantly when it came to Virgil and Remus standing up, and the night ended peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok yall, so this may be the second or third last chapter (although I suck at wrapping things up as you may have gathered so we'll see). Anyway, by this point, I'm trying to tie things up and link back to the beginning cause honestly when I started this it was supposed to be a 2-3 chap fluff story about the Dark Side family but then it became this.
> 
> Anyway, it's 1 am and i'm already very low on sleep so I hope it isn't to crappily looked over, sorry for all the mistakes and stuff.
> 
> Also, I am considering rewriting the first few chapters just because when I look back I full on cringe. like I know none of these are the best writing but it's so shit at the start that I can barely bring myself to read it, even for writing, so I may do that before I write the next part or i may do it after, who knows!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!  
P.s. this first chap is crap but by the 4th it gets better.


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